And then there is this.
Yesterday and the day before,
I was on a high from a poem I wrote about love
and an essay that followed.
I was feeling qiute proud of myself.
I was happy.
I was sure I’d figured out some mysterious revelation.
I was confident in my self.
In short, I was full of myself.
This morning when I woke up,
I realized that all the excitement was over.
The high was gone.
I still had a headache from drinking too much
and partying too much.
I was still just a foolish old man
that was coming down off an ego buzz.
Shit. What the fuck?
What a dissappointment.
I was not enlightened.
I was no Guru.
I was just me. In all my stinkin’ glory.
Of course,! How else could it be!!!
All that highness was just a bunch of emotional bug-a-boo!
It was nothing.
So fleeting and temporary
the universe could barely have had time to notice.
Maybe, it was only me who noticed.
I hope so. I was acting like an ass!
The poem I think is not bad.
It got a lot of “likes” on Facebook and wordpress.
So did the essay. I was jazzed.
Now I’m not.
I still think what I wrote is true!
I still love everybody even if I don’t like them..
..and…. Well waddyaknooo!
What goes up comes down.
I watered my poor neglected garden.
I saw all the chores I hadn’t done
because I had using so much time being an idiot.
I know some of this is just my inner critics beating up on me,
but some of it’s not.
I know in the long run
it will be just another long forgotten moment.
So be it.
The revalation or enlightenment or whatever it is
is not the high!
The love I feel for you is not a high! It’s love!
How could I have ever mistaken it for that!
Love does not generate from ego.
The moment I start thinking I’m something special,
Love comes fom the soul,
It’s real. Ego is not
and I DO love you.