And Then There Is This

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And then there is this.

Yesterday and the day before,

I was on a high from a poem I wrote about love

and an essay that followed.

I was feeling qiute proud of myself.

I was happy.

I was sure I’d figured out some mysterious revelation.

I was confident in my self.

In short, I was full of myself.

This morning when I woke up,

I realized that all the excitement was over.

The high was gone.

I still had a headache from drinking too much

and partying too much.

I was still just a foolish old man

that was coming down off an ego buzz.

Shit. What the fuck?

What a dissappointment.

I was not enlightened.

I was no Guru.

I was just me. In all my stinkin’ glory.

HEEEEEEEE!

Of course,! How else could it be!!!

All that highness was just a bunch of emotional bug-a-boo!

It was nothing.

So fleeting and temporary

the universe could barely have had time to notice.

Maybe, it was only me who noticed.

I hope so. I was acting like an ass!

The poem I think is not bad.

It got a lot of “likes” on Facebook and wordpress.

So did the essay. I was jazzed.

Now I’m not.

I still think what I wrote is true!

I still love everybody even if I don’t like them..

..and…. Well waddyaknooo!

What goes up comes down.

I watered my poor neglected garden.

I saw all the chores I hadn’t done

because I had using so much time being an idiot.

I know some of this is just my inner critics beating up on me,

but some of it’s not.

I know in the long run

it will be just another long forgotten moment.

So be it.

The revalation or enlightenment or whatever it is

is not the high!

The love I feel for you is not a high! It’s love!

How could I have ever mistaken it for that!

Love does not generate from ego.

The moment I start thinking I’m something special,

It disappears.

Love comes fom the soul,

It’s real. Ego is not

and I DO love you.

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